It’s been a week of listening to it. Whether it was a patient, a co-worker, or someone on facebook, I have been hearing a lot of it. By Thursday afternoon this week, I don’t think I could have listened to anymore talking, yapping, gossiping, or grumbling. I know I was in there with my two cents also. Justin told me Thursday night I looked like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. It seems that this week for me all the noise was getting to be unbearable. It’s one thing to listen to my favorite music a little louder, but the chatter, the cars, the machines in the office, the planes overhead in my back yard, the television and even the crickets where starting to hurt my ears. I wonder if this ever happens to anyone else. Is this another product of getting older? God, even the water fountain in the office was bothering me. Do you get to a point where you just don’t like, or can’t handle the noise? The crickets and the water fountain shouldn’t bother me they’re natural sounds. I can understand the chatting, planes, and machines bothering me, but why the ones those are supposed to be comforting. I decided to unsubscribe to some of the people on facebook that complain a lot or have very little positive things to say about others. That I can control. A lot of the other stuff I cannot control. What people say, the noises at the office, the planes flying overhead, the crickets, all out of my control. I have been trying to find ways to quiet my mind and realize that even my thoughts of what is bothering my ears are just that, thoughts. At work, I’ll take a deep breath and think its just noise; at home I go outside where it’s at least a little quieter. My mind chatter, which I have talked about before is getting easier to control, but still I long to be somewhere where there is less of all this. The bad news on T.V., the machines, cars, the phones, the constant whining I hear in my ears. Years ago, I used to go by myself to the ocean, or the river to sit quietly. Somewhere there were no people, just the sound of the water and the wind breathing thru the leaves on the trees, maybe the occasional plane. Where I live now that’s not so easy to do. I live in the desert, no ocean, no river close enough to drive to. There are parks with trees, but they close by eight and are filled with people during the day. I escape to my back patio, the closest to nature I have. I can envision myself on the beach on a cool September night, watching the luminescent waves flapping at the sandy beach, the sound of them ebbing and flowing hypnotic, the cool air fresh, my sweater and jeans comforting. I can imagine those moments, feeling small in the presence of the giant ocean and all it encompasses. Letting my bad moments, hard feelings, sad words and worrisome thoughts leave with every wave that gratifyingly took it away to a place that I didn’t have to see or hear it again. I remember on a warm July evening sitting near the mighty river I grew up by that flowed swiftly. The bank muddy and cool, the trees whispering to me to let go of the days worries. Telling me to let them flow into the river where the fishes and the current would take them away for someone more capable to hold. The fire flies flitting about to remind me there is a light in dark times. The circular currents reminding me that even they go away and so will my turbulent times. I remember standing above the great cliffs in Ireland with the powerful Atlantic Ocean below, with the fog rolling in, the many birds flying fearlessly in and around them, the cool breeze on my face. There were hundreds of people around but I could feel the stillness, the quiet solitude. I remember being on the ocean at night on a ship while in the Navy. I would look out at the vastness of it; hear the humming of the waves, the moonlight on the horizon, its light reflecting on the water. The fresh smell of the salt air, the droning of the ships engine telling me to remember there is something bigger than me, some place I can let take to the air my mindless chatter. I long for those times. Now I sit on my patio dreaming of these and other peaceful places I have been fortunate enough to experience to take my mind away from the daily chatter and noise that threatens to drive me to the brink of screaming for it all to be quiet. It’s no wonder to me that the sound a feeling of being near water is comforting to me; after all, I am a Scorpio. I once read that we are like a very deep dark, still well. The surface of the water may be calm, but there is always a strong sense of the mysterious and unknown depths lying below the surface. Dark, decaying thoughts which most would rather not think about. It helps me to have these peaceful places for my mind to go to clean out the garbage and just for a few minutes be quiet.
By the way happy birthday Paul. I hope you’re in a place of peace and quiet.